"SECRETS & LIES"
An Interview with Stuart Nemtin
a.k.a. Major Conrad Flapps
(From Boulevard Magazine, Victoria, B.C.)
are you, anyway?
an actor, musician and clown (Major Conrad Flapps),
Ive cracked up audiences in seven countries on stage, television,
radio and film for the last 25 years. As a father of two and a husband
to one, Ive survived with self-esteem intact for the last l8.
do you most admire, and why?
- My inner child:
he just wont grow up, get a real job and a haircut.
was one of the most memorable moments of your life?
- Clowning in Zimbabwe
on a tiny island on the Zambesi River for the chief and his tribe. It
was 95 degrees, the village dogs attacked me when I made my flying entrance,
I attacked them, and the chief took out his false teeth to go flying
quality do you most value in your friends?
- A good sense of
humour, self-awareness and fresh breath.
do you consider the most overrated virtue?
- Being able to
maintain a house with no dust balls.
is your most cherished possession?
- My hair. It really
is naturally curly.
you were to die and could come back as any person or thing, who/what
would you choose?
- Jack Nicholson
- I think hes having a really good time.
is the least favourite chore around the house?
- Sitting through
a half-hour demonstration of a new vacuum/air cleaner for the free gift
is one the biggest challenges of your work?
- Having to convince
people who arent familiar with my work that they should book me
because I am so terrific. Dealing with jerk volunteers. Finding the
time to create new material and grow professionally.
you were likened to a musical genre/song what would it be?
is your greatest fear?
- Being marooned
on a desert island with only Neil Diamond records.
makes your laugh?
- The Larry Sanders
Show, Monty Python, my dog Tasha, old Woody Allen books, Robin Williams,
Danny Kaye and good clowns.
or whom do you most dislike?
fascism and polyester.
is your greatest regret?
- That I didnt
marry a doctor.
and where were you happiest?
with my wife in Africa/Greece in 1982, 97, 98.
is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- Discovering my
inner clown and having the guts to perform him.
gives a person style?
- Chutzpah, imagination
and long inner shelf life.
what in your life do you feel most grateful?
- Family who encouraged
an insightful sense of humour.
is your most compulsive habit?
- Picking up carpet
dirt from shoes as I climb the stairs of my home.
you could change one historical event, what would it be?
- The Holocaust
of World War II. Ive been paranoid ever since.
is your philosophy of life?
flexible, follow your passion, keep a sense of humour, be kind.
2001, Tears of Laughter Productions