The Man Behind the Clown
BIOGRAPHY PHILOSOPHY INTERVIEW CONTACT

"SECRETS & LIES"
An Interview with Stuart Nemtin
a.k.a. Major Conrad Flapps
(From Boulevard Magazine, Victoria, B.C.)

Who are you, anyway?
As an actor, musician and clown (Major Conrad Flapps), I’ve cracked up audiences in seven countries on stage, television, radio and film for the last 25 years. As a father of two and a husband to one, I’ve survived with self-esteem intact for the last l8.
Whom do you most admire, and why?
My inner child: he just won’t grow up, get a real job and a haircut.
What was one of the most memorable moments of your life?
Clowning in Zimbabwe on a tiny island on the Zambesi River for the chief and his tribe. It was 95 degrees, the village dogs attacked me when I made my flying entrance, I attacked them, and the chief took out his false teeth to go flying with me!
What quality do you most value in your friends?
A good sense of humour, self-awareness and fresh breath.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Being able to maintain a house with no dust balls.
What is your most cherished possession?
My hair. It really is naturally curly.
If you were to die and could come back as any person or thing, who/what would you choose?
Jack Nicholson - I think he’s having a really good time.
What is the least favourite chore around the house?
Sitting through a half-hour demonstration of a new vacuum/air cleaner for the free gift certificate.
What is one the biggest challenges of your work?
Having to convince people who aren’t familiar with my work that they should book me because I am so terrific. Dealing with jerk volunteers. Finding the time to create new material and grow professionally.
Flapps at play
If you were likened to a musical genre/song what would it be?
Russian/Gypsy/Klezmer music.
What is your greatest fear?
Being marooned on a desert island with only Neil Diamond records.
What makes your laugh?
The Larry Sanders Show, Monty Python, my dog Tasha, old Woody Allen books, Robin Williams, Danny Kaye and good clowns.
What or whom do you most dislike?
Fundamentalist fascism and polyester.
What is your greatest regret?
That I didn’t marry a doctor.
When and where were you happiest?
Traveling/performing with my wife in Africa/Greece in 1982, ’97, ’98.
What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
Discovering my inner clown and having the guts to perform him.
Flapps flies!
What gives a person style?
Chutzpah, imagination and long inner shelf life.
For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
Family who encouraged an insightful sense of humour.
What is your most compulsive habit?
Picking up carpet dirt from shoes as I climb the stairs of my home.
If you could change one historical event, what would it be?
The Holocaust of World War II. I’ve been paranoid ever since.
What is your philosophy of life?
Be flexible, follow your passion, keep a sense of humour, be kind.
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© 2001, Tears of Laughter Productions